I feel old

A few days ago, I was talking to my 12-year-old niece, J~.  J~ was showing me a photograph she had taken and put on her cell phone. 

 

(Can I backtrack and say, first and foremost, I feel old because, WAIT.  WHAT?  I am OLD ENOUGH to have a 12-year-old niece?  (And it's not like my situation with my Aunt S~, who was only 3 years old when I was born, so, technically speaking, I WAS the 12-year-old niece to my 15-year-old aunt.  NO.  I have a 12-year-old niece and I her mom is my very slightly younger sister, so, not the same thing.  Therefore, I am OLD.)

 

Also, my 12-year-old niece has a cell phone? 

 

God, I am SO OLD.  Because, when I was 12?  It was 1984, and the cell phone hadn't even been invented.  And when I was 15 I was SUPER-IMPRESSED that my boyfriend's mom had a car phone.  (Does anyone else remember those enormous phones, mounted in the center console of the car?) 

What was I saying? 

 

Oh,  yes.  Twelve year old niece.  Cell phones.  I am OLD. 

 

Anyway, J~ had taken a picture with the camera on her cell phone (I guess, to put a fine point on it, it is my SISTER'S EXTRA CELL PHONE, that her children USE.  But, I'm splitting hairs, here.)  The photo was kind of spooky looking, and I said, "wow, it looks like something from the X-Files."

 

And, what did J~ say?  Did she say, "Yeah, Aunt Gretchen, I was going for a Mulder-Scully type feel when I took the photograph?"

 

No.  She SO DID NOT.

 

She asked me what an X-File was.  And then it occurred to me that The X-Files hadn't been prime-time cultural phenomenon at any point in J~'s pop-culture cognizant lifetime.  At the time The X-Files was an enormous hit, J~ either hadn't even been born, or, J~ was still a TODDLER. 

 

Slam.  I am OLD. 

 

Because, really, wasn't it, like, two days ago that the whole country tuned in every Sunday night to see if Mulder and Scully would EVER get it together?  Oh, and yeah, to see if they could solve that week's paranormal mystery, of course.  Sigh.  (On a trivial note, I was watching the X-Files when I realized I was in labor with Gabriel.  It's the episode where Mulder and Scully are being accompanied by a reality tv show.  COPS, I think.  It's the only episode, ever, that I haven't seen all the way through.  But, I was watching X-Files after having eaten a mountain of my Aunt Harriet's pasta with olives, and, suddenly, I was in a lot of pain.  So, I blame Fox Mulder and Aunt Harriet equally for sending me into labor.  :-) )

 

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Lana has been annoyed this week because her pre-school has been closed.  She isn't happy about this.  "Mommy.  Go Apple Tree.  Go Apple Tree now, Mommy.  Why no go Apple Tree, Mommy?  How?  How?"  An explanation that the university is closed for a week between semesters has fallen on deaf ears.  "Apple Tree not closed.  No.  Not closed.  Mommy lie."  Yes, Lana.  Of course.  Mommy is lying to you.  Why wouldn't I?? 

 

She seems to have some trouble differentiating the concept of How and Why.  Anyone who speaks Vietnamese have an explanation for this?  Are How and Why the same word in Vietnamese, by any chance?  Or, you know, is she just, a four  year old learning a whole new language and there is no deep linguistic confusion occurring?

 

Lana is also becoming a speed-freak.  And by this, no, I do not mean that she is a meth-addict.  I mean, she likes to go FAST.  "Go faster!" came chirping from my back seat about 10 days ago, and she hasn't let up since.  "Go faster, Mommy!  Go faster!"  She demands this as we are stuck in traffic, or while she is sitting in the grocery cart.  David was running at the park with her in the Baby Jogger, and she was egging him on, "Go faster!  Go faster Daddy!!"  She also did this while riding in the toddler seat on the bike David was riding.  And, while we were walking into Buffalo Wild Wings the other night, she saw a Harley Davidson motorcycle in the parking lot, and announced, "Lana go there!  Lana go fast!"  (Should I add an "over my dead body" here?)  I am starting to suspect that Lana is going to have a fine old time next month at Cedar Point.  Although I am already picturing her sitting in the Snoopy cars, yelling, "Go Faster!  Go Faster Snoopy!" 

 

Gretchen